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Bog Standard

Restroom comedy has always been the comfort zone for daily publications, and we are always mindful of notable bog-related stories and milestones, particularly within football. Readers were entertained to discover that a prominent writer a famous broadcaster owns a West Bromwich Albion-inspired toilet in his house. Reflect for a moment regarding the Barnsley supporter who interpreted the restroom rather too directly, and needed rescuing from an empty Oakwell stadium following dozing off in the toilet at half-time during a 2015 defeat by Fleetwood. “He was barefoot and had lost his mobile phone and his cap,” stated a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And who can forget at the pinnacle of his career at Manchester City, Mario Balotelli visited a nearby college for toilet purposes back in 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, before entering and requesting directions to the restrooms, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” a pupil informed local Manchester media. “After that he was just walking around the college grounds like he owned the place.”

The Restroom Quitting

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned as the England coach post a quick discussion within a restroom stall with FA director David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, following that infamous 1-0 defeat versus Germany during 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the legendary venue. As Davies remembers in his diary, his confidential FA records, he stepped into the wet troubled England locker room immediately after the match, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams motivated, the two stars urging for the official to reason with Keegan. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies discovered him collapsed – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – in the corner of the dressing room, saying quietly: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Stopping Keegan, Davies tried desperately to salvage the situation.

“Where on earth could we find [for a chat] that was private?” recalled Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Merely one possibility emerged. The restroom stalls. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history occurred in the ancient loos of a stadium facing demolition. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I secured the door behind us. We stayed there, eye to eye. ‘You cannot persuade me,’ Kevin stated. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I'm unable to energize the team. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Consequences

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, subsequently confessing he considered his period as Three Lions boss “without spirit”. The double Ballon d'Or recipient continued: “I struggled to occupy my time. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It’s a very difficult job.” English football has come a long way during the last 25 years. Whether for good or bad, those Wembley restrooms and those twin towers are no longer present, while a German now sits in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for next year's international tournament: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

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Daily Quotation

“We remained in an extended queue, clad merely in our briefs. We were Europe’s best referees, premier athletes, inspirations, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We barely looked at each other, our gazes flickered a bit nervously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina inspected us completely with an ice-cold gaze. Mute and attentive” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures officials were once put through by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“How important is a name? There exists a Dr Seuss poem named ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to take care of the first team. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles.

“Since you've opened the budget and awarded some merch, I've opted to write and offer a concise remark. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights in the schoolyard with youngsters he expected would overpower him. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy however the sole second-year prize I envision him securing by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|