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Facing denial, notably when it occurs frequently, is not a great feeling. An editor is declining your work, giving a definite “No.” Being an author, I am familiar with setbacks. I began proposing story ideas five decades ago, upon finishing university. Since then, I have had multiple books rejected, along with book ideas and numerous essays. Over the past score of years, concentrating on personal essays, the refusals have only increased. On average, I receive a rejection every few days—amounting to over 100 each year. Cumulatively, denials in my profession number in the thousands. By now, I could have a advanced degree in rejection.

But, does this seem like a self-pitying tirade? Absolutely not. As, now, at seven decades plus three, I have embraced rejection.

How Have I Accomplished It?

For perspective: At this point, just about every person and others has said no. I’ve never tracked my win-lose ratio—it would be quite demoralizing.

For example: not long ago, a publication turned down 20 pieces consecutively before approving one. Back in 2016, over 50 book publishers vetoed my manuscript before one gave the green light. Later on, 25 agents declined a book pitch. One editor even asked that I send my work less often.

The Seven Stages of Setback

In my 20s, every no hurt. It felt like a personal affront. It was not just my creation was being turned down, but me as a person.

As soon as a manuscript was rejected, I would begin the phases of denial:

• First, shock. Why did this occur? How could they be overlook my talent?
• Next, denial. Certainly you’ve rejected the wrong person? This must be an administrative error.
• Then, rejection of the rejection. What can editors know? Who made you to decide on my work? It’s nonsense and your publication is poor. I deny your no.
• Fourth, anger at the rejecters, then frustration with me. Why do I put myself through this? Could I be a masochist?
• Subsequently, negotiating (often seasoned with optimism). How can I convince you to see me as a exceptional creator?
• Then, depression. I’m not talented. What’s more, I’ll never be successful.

So it went over many years.

Excellent Examples

Certainly, I was in fine fellowship. Tales of authors whose books was originally rejected are plentiful. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Virtually all renowned author was originally turned down. Because they managed to overcome rejection, then maybe I could, too. The sports icon was dropped from his school team. Many Presidents over the last 60 years had earlier failed in races. The filmmaker claims that his Rocky screenplay and desire to appear were rejected numerous times. “I take rejection as an alarm to wake me up and keep moving, instead of giving up,” he has said.

The Seventh Stage

Then, when I entered my later years, I entered the last step of rejection. Acceptance. Today, I grasp the many reasons why a publisher says no. For starters, an editor may have already featured a comparable article, or be planning one in the pipeline, or simply be considering something along the same lines for a different writer.

Alternatively, unfortunately, my submission is uninteresting. Or the editor feels I don’t have the experience or standing to succeed. Or is no longer in the field for the content I am offering. Or was busy and scanned my submission hastily to appreciate its quality.

Feel free call it an epiphany. Any work can be declined, and for any reason, and there is almost not much you can do about it. Some reasons for denial are forever out of your hands.

Within Control

Others are within it. Honestly, my pitches and submissions may from time to time be flawed. They may lack relevance and appeal, or the message I am attempting to convey is insufficiently dramatised. Or I’m being too similar. Or a part about my grammar, especially commas, was annoying.

The key is that, in spite of all my decades of effort and rejection, I have succeeded in being widely published. I’ve published multiple works—the initial one when I was in my fifties, the next, a memoir, at retirement age—and over numerous essays. Those pieces have featured in publications large and small, in local, national and global sources. My debut commentary ran in my twenties—and I have now contributed to various outlets for five decades.

However, no bestsellers, no signings in bookshops, no spots on talk shows, no presentations, no honors, no big awards, no Nobel, and no national honor. But I can more easily take no at this stage, because my, humble successes have eased the stings of my frequent denials. I can now be philosophical about it all today.

Valuable Setbacks

Rejection can be helpful, but provided that you pay attention to what it’s indicating. Otherwise, you will almost certainly just keep taking rejection the wrong way. So what teachings have I learned?

{Here’s my advice|My recommendations|What